Monday, March 7, 2011

When You Feel Other Women Overlook You

Have you ever been in a situation/place/community where you are filled with desire to offer these: 

your talents, 
your skills, 
your wisdom 
your life lessons

and most of all, 

your heart 

And yet feel ignored, overlooked, underestimated?

That feeling where you just feel invisible and not worth getting to know?

Christian Women Online

I have come across a lot of women in throughout the years who have so much love to give.

They genuinely want to share whatever they have to other women.

They want to use their God-given gifts to make the world around them a better place.

They would do anything to have an opportunity to make a difference in just one other woman's life.

They are grateful for all the talents God has given her with and cannot wait to find a place to glorify God with these.


And most of the time, they are just waiting to be asked.

In the perfect world, everyone is stepping up and just doing it.

Sometimes it's really not that easy.

Even in the spirit of availability, no one is taking up on the offer.

Or worse, they do get a chance to try and they just end up feeling completely out of place.


I have spent my entire Sunday afternoon in a conversation with God; trying to process what seems to be a common cause of heartache among women and their relationships with each other.

My own burden is deeply rooted in my early years more than anything else. I was never the favored one in the family. In elementary school, I still clearly remember instances of being 'shut out' by girls I considered best friends. In high school, you had to get 'asked' by people in my class if you are good enough to meet with the rest of the crew in a place called 'the white house.' In college, there was a university-wide culture where you had to prove yourself (by doing a lot of stupid things in my opinion) worthy enough to be a part of an 'exclusive' club.

(Disclaimer: These facts don't make me bitter today. I have embraced my past with a lot of acceptance which makes me understand why I am who I am in the present. Believe it or not, I am grateful on how God used these experiences to shape the woman that I have become.)


A collective observation of knowing many women for decades has given me a grieving heart to ask my Father how He feels about this. Sadly, we all still experience this even in adult life.

I can openly admit that I have been both the overlooker and the overlooked. Female friendships are so delicate; a lot of times difficult to navigate. I am still a student -- and not a very smart one most of the time.

But I do want to be better at this. I do want to be a reflection of Jesus' unconditional love and gentleness even in the midst of the 'politics' of female relationships.


Wait for it in an upcoming blog post:
What to do when you feel others overlook you.


But I do want to hear from you first! What is your take on this matter:
Have you ever felt overlooked -- at home, in school, the workplace, church and in social communities?
Even in the midst of being overlooked, do you respond with a gracious heart?
Do you think the church is better at not taking someone for granted? Or is it just more 'fake' in doing it?
Have you every been the overlooker? Was there an attempt to justify it?
What do you think Jesus would do in both situations?