Thursday, April 1, 2010

When Love Has To Be Firm and Tough

One thing I learned about marriage is that the "madly-in-love-kind-of-high' eventually evolves into the kind of love that is calmer, deeper, more secure, and yes -- more comfortable and familiar. It's so funny when Robert and I first got together, we thought that we got along so well that we were absolutely convinced that fights are not likely to happen. We probably annoyed a lot of people too by being a little too excited about being a couple!


However, there will be days when love isn't purely about romance but more about being completely honest with your spouse. I really believe one of the reasons God put a man and wife together is for the purpose of bringing out the best in each other. To be able to carry out that objective, sometimes love has to be firm and tough.

When I first second-guessed this approach, I got reminded of the story in the Bible where Jesus cleaned the temple in John 2:13-16. When He saw something that needed to be addressed, He did something about it.

I could have easily dismissed that story as one of those rare times when Jesus demonstrated anger. But as I learned more about the kind of heart He has, I knew he loved these money changers too much to see them tangled up in a lifestyle of corruption. More importantly, He loved His Father so much that He couldn't bear seeing another minute of His "home" being defiled. Therefore, Christ's displeasure was a result of love for His Father and brothers.

My point today is: in marriage, there will be times where "tough love" is the wisest thing to do. There will be occasions where a spouse might unintentionally do things that don't bring pleasure to our God. There might also be instances where work consumes him that he forgets to sit still at the foot of our Father and rest in Him. Or there are times that our husbands forget to humbly seek regular accountability with other men because on they are designed to be problem-solvers on their own.

In times like these, here are the things that I choose to do.
  • I go to my Father God, pray for my husband and wait to hear from Him. I have learned time and again that His perspective is more likely to be different than mine.
  • I check my heart and make sure that my feelings come from a place of love and not hurt nor resentment.
  • I find the words that are loving that will express concern about his well-being. I personally believe that it is important to express to my husband that I am with him in this journey and not against him.
To me, these times are what makes our marriage real, powerful, and grace-filled.

"Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:


If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!"
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 New King James Version)

6 comments :

thammiesy said...

hi sam! just came across your site now, thanks to your FB link. :) great site you've got here, you have to mentor me in this area! great blog, too! hehe :)

happysammy said...

Hi from one Samantha to another! I've been enjoying reading your blog too! You have made me laugh in many entries :-)

Included your blog in my list:
http://www.happysammy.com/2010/02/whats-in-my-rss-reader.html

Hope more and more people get to read yours!

Hope you're having a good Holy Week break!

Irma said...

Love this post, Sam. Thank you! This is very insightful and helpful. A good marriage takes a lot of work. And it's not always a walk in the park.

happysammy said...

Thank you Irma! It was a great reminder for me as well. I felt that God told me this week that as Rob's wife, one of my biggest roles is to see his relationship with Him is always growing and progressing :-)

thammiesy said...

haha! sam! you know i have an RSS thing i think but i have no idea what it is...hehe...still, thank you! i'll check the link you gave me. :) baka magkaidea naman kung ano yun from there.. :)

happysammy said...

Hi Thammie! Okay I will make an attempt to explain it.

RSS is a web technology where it is possible to just go to one website (called an RSS reader) and read all your favorite blogs from there. Instead of going to each blog site individually.

I don't think it's a necessity to have an RSS reader but if a person would like to follow a lot of blogs, it might help in being more efficient with time :-)

I love your stories on your blogs talaga!