Monday, July 5, 2010

Friendship Over!

My very good friend Irma, shared a link a several weeks ago that made me laugh out loud. It's an article from CNN entitled "12 signs it's time to dump a friend" by Wendy Atterberry. You can read the article here.

Photo Credit: http://elev8.com/

The article led me to remember a silly phrase we used when we were kids when we do uncool things to our friends. We say in our immature, sing-song voice: "Friendship over!"

A recent turn of events made me pause my sense of humor about the matter and realized that when I am the one being cut off -- it's not that funny after all.

About a couple of weeks ago, I accidentally discovered that a friend (who I consider as part of the family) "un-friended" me (and my husband) on Facebook. I wanted to send a "how are you doing?" message to this person only to realize that our online relationship has been deliberately cut off.

While I don't care so much about losing a friend on a social network, it did sting when I started thinking about  how that specific action was a true reflection of that person's heart towards me as a person.

These were my initial (and very human) reactions:

  • Why?? My last in-person interaction with this individual did not give me any clue that he had any deep personal anger against me.
  • This person probably didn't have really anything against me. But probably against my husband. And since I am connected with him, I am part of the "letting go" package.
  • If I did anything so wrong, it would have been nice if it was addressed directly to me since we are all mature adults. I can't speak for my husband but I am making a good guess that he feels the same way.
  • This person has exhibited behavior a lot of times in the past that have been less than pleasant (and at times hurtful) and I can wholeheartedly attest that I went out of my way to understand and forgive. I am not remotely proud of even thinking of this (because it's just not right and very self-righteous) but I want to be completely honest on how flawed I am. I am driving to a good point so please read on.


After these initial reactions, I knew that enabling this kind of feelings does not do anything to glorify God and does nothing to the building of my character. I had to make a decision to do the following:

  • Asked God for forgiveness. I needed to repent on my initial reactions. These were not pleasing to Him and I don't ever want to cause my Father any kind of displeasure. 
  • I also asked for forgiveness for any hurt that I may have caused. I am not aware of what I did but it felt good to trust God that He will reveal it to me in time.
  • I should never assume the worst about the online disconnection. I manage social media sites for a living and although I am 100% sure that it is was deliberate, I had to humble myself and surrender these thoughts to God and still give that person the benefit of the doubt. 
  • I felt led to pray for the person. And not the kind of prayer that says "Please enlighten him" or "Please make this person realize what he did" but I said prayers that had NOTHING to do with that whole Facebook thing. I prayed that God will bless him more and that He will continue to protect him and take him to wonderful places that he has never experienced before.
  • I asked God's help to continue on praying for this person from a pure heart that is not tainted by hatred.

The most sobering realization out of this experience was when God used my husband to remind me how Jesus Christ reacted to friends who betrayed him, doubted him and turned their backs him -- He loved all of them until the end. I have always known this but this reminder completely blew me away now that it speaks so significantly to my present situation.

I am so grateful that this experience has taught me to have a new standard of friendship -- the way Jesus does it! The wonderful thing about this is that I do not need to rely on my own strength to reach this standard. If I am to gladly allow Him to take the lead in my relationships, it will completely change how I live and how I affect others' lives.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15: 13).

3 comments :

Janelle said...

Reposting!

Wifey said...

What a wonderful post. Truly inspiring! Loving your blog! Looking forward to reading more.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

happysammy said...

Aww ... thank you for being so kind Lorraine. I've been following your wifey blog too on my RSS reader and you do inspire me as well.

Have a blessed week!